Dear Jake:
I know that last year was your year off, and sometimes it can be hard to get back into the groove. Unfortunately for us Panther fans, we are suffering for your vacation you are having trouble shaking off. Therefore I feel it necessary to give you a little advice:
1. perhaps you should stop licking your fingers quite so much and come up with some plays other than running the ball, the job of quarterback is to also throw the ball.
2. if at first you run the ball and you do not succeed, then perhaps trying the exact same play the next time is not such a great idea.
3. STEVE SMITH is your guy. If all else fails, fling the ball (that's code for throw) in his general direction, the man is a miracle worker, but if you don't give him the ball he can not work his miracles.
4. perhaps next time you win a game by the hair of your chiny chin chin, you should not celebrate so much, frankly you look ridiculous celebrating a win you did not deserve today.
In closing, these games are bad for my heart. I purposely have had to miss several games this year, because I knew you would just make me ill, and I was not in the mood. I am over yelling at you every Sunday and you not listening. It reminds me of my kids and to be honest 2 kids is all I really want. Please consider my advice, and perhaps your next game will not be such a nail bitter.
Home Sweet Home! by The Pioneer Woman
3 years ago
3 comments:
Dear Blog Lady -
Let me start off by saying that I believe you are being greedy. I won you the NFC South. Now I may have needed 17 weeks and all 60 minutes to do it, but my friend Matt Cassel won games handedly and dispite an 11-5 record he will not be making the playoffs.
Along the same lines, I take issue with your post about me calling running plays in place of passing ones. As you may already know, it is not the quarterbacks job to call the plays. That is the job of the offensive coordinator. While that may look to be easy from the comfort of your couch in central North Carolina, it is actually a very skilled position.
While we are discussing me and your loyalty. I think it is important to point out that I am Jake Freaking Delhome. I was an undrafted free agent out of Southwest Louisiana. I could not close the deal in the superbowl and I still am at best a C+ quarterback. If you expect me to perform at the level of Brady, Manning or even Matt Ryan, you will surely be let down.
As a loyal Panther fan your best solution maybe to ask the football gods for a better quarterback option. Think of the draft picks that the Panthers have passed on since I botched the superbowl.
Lastly, I am sure that Steve Smith appreciates your support but as a faithful reader of your blog I am aware that you have two young kids. Those kids should know that Steve punched out a teammate and broke his nose in training camp. He is also often late or missing from important team meetings. While he might catch balls, he is not someone your son should look up to.
Lastly I will say that since we are in an easy conference my 1st playoff game should be a win but past that I would not buy the whole family tickets to Tampa.
I hope you and the other Panther fans in your house have a happy New Year.
p.s. I only lick my fingers because kissing my girly hands reminds me of planting a kiss on your cheek.
Dear "private" Patriots guy-
I am aware of the fact that the offensive coordinator calls the plays however, Jake is the one who passes the info on to the team, God gave him a brain, I would suggest he use it.
As for our C+ quarterback, he has gotten us to the playoffs, I am simply suggesting some tips that would make the playoffs easier on all of us (especially my heart).
I haven't heard yet did the patriots make the playoffs?
nope, we will take our 11-5 record, one game worse then your Panthers and watch from home. Did you not hear the yelling from Alabama when that washed up Brett Favre threw his 3rd int? We needed them to win for us to get in.
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